I know it's been a couple of weeks since I have blogged, but alot has been going on in the last couple of weeks! I started my new job on March 18th in which I am LOVE LOVE LOVING....The kids are trying to adapt to their new lives without Mommy being home all the time....Alex has been tossing up the idea up of finding a new career.....the BEAUTIFUL SPRING WEATHER......and the loss of my dearest niece or nephew and baby cousin. Last week was a very crazy and emotional week. I am very hoping and praying though that God has a plan for my family and will bless these 4 people to be incredible parents soon!
With Alex struggling with work and all these ups and downs of life I really and truly believe God is making me a stronger person in order for me to help the ones dearest to me emotionally. Everyday and Night I "try" to pray for everyone around me....and let me tell you there are times when I hit the bed and don't remember hitting the bed. There are times when I wake up here lately saying am I going to make it to work on time?.....are things going to get any better with Alex's work?....are we ever going to get caught up?....is life EVER going to get easy again?.....It will!!!!!!!!!!! I have faith everyday knowing that life might not be easy because it's not suppose to be! How in the world would we ever learn?.....or grow.....or trust.....or have faith!!! But today life will go on and I will keep on believing Life DOES GET BETTER it's just something you have to LEARN AS YOU GO......
3.30.2010
3.18.2010
Blessing to come.....
I have been so blessed these last 2 weeks! God is sooo good!!!! I started my new/old job today and man WHAT A GREAT FEELING IT WAS!!!! It felt so weird knocking on that door to go in! The same familiar sound I heard 6 years ago was all coming back to me! I was super excited to get to spend time catching up with Annie (Beth), and Ellie, Dorris, Aunt Rhonda and of course JoAnn had to be sick on my first day back but don't worry I made her a Get Well Card and had everyone sign it! And since everything was so familiar to me I spent most of the day cleaning and making everything look good since we will be having a special visitor at the Bank tomorrow! Hopefully it will bring smiles back to Jo's Face since she hasn't been feeling well! I think the only reason why she hired me anyways was so that I would clean and reorganize again!!! Afterall when she told me to I got my job back she said that Beth needed her desk cleaned but I think it's because she was looking at hers!!! Anyways I am so looking forward to my new beginning and hopefully more new beginnings for our family!!! The Lord is so awesome and when we pray to Him, He does answer prayers!!!!! Thank you Lord for you Love Endures Forever.......
3.04.2010
Dreams or Wants..................
These last few days have been very stressful for me. I have been trying to figure out so hard how in the world I can be of help finanically for my family! With Alex being Self Employed and work unsteady here and there it's just not enough. Ever since we have closed down the store I have been waiting patiently for something to come up to help our family! After working for 5 years not getting paid and then the economy took a turn I want to be able to get out and help!! I had been praying for a job to open back up at First Bank and it looks like one may have! But my old boss is waiting to hear back if she is going to be able to rehire. And for the last 3 months I have been tossing up the idea of going back to school for 13 weeks and getting a license to do Nails. And here I stand with my hands tied not being able to make any decisions! I have been praying and praying and I know in God's timing NOT MINE that everything will work out! But I am just so frustrated! In order to go to Nail School I need $2635 not including gas money and $140 just to send the kids to daycare while I go to school! That is alot! But hopefully the outcome would be better as far as the income I could be making! Now the job I could be taking at the bank could either work or not! I will still have to pay $140 a day and everything else I make would be going towards health ins. and pretty much nothing left which is not bad considering Alex and I don't have health ins.! I would be there from 7:45 til ?? and have to work every Saturday. But with doing nails I could afford to pay Health Insurance and schedule the hours of being able to take Aidan to school and pick him up and bring them home to their daddy! Alex and I only have the one vehicle to take the kids around in because he has his work Van! So as you can see I am so confused right now as to which way the Lord wants me to go! I filled out Fafsa paper work to try and get a grant or student aid but the school doesn't do it with the nail program. So I am back to square one!
So you may be asking which one would I rather do???? My dream would be to do the nails, but I have to take which ever will work best for my family! Soooo for now I am leaving it all up to God "For HE knows the Plans HE has for me!" Jeremiah 29:11 and because "Nothing is impossible with God" Luke 1:37.....I guess I will just have to Learn As I Go........
So you may be asking which one would I rather do???? My dream would be to do the nails, but I have to take which ever will work best for my family! Soooo for now I am leaving it all up to God "For HE knows the Plans HE has for me!" Jeremiah 29:11 and because "Nothing is impossible with God" Luke 1:37.....I guess I will just have to Learn As I Go........
2.24.2010
Forgiveness......
Have you ever been hurt so badly that it's impossible to forgive that person? Have you been lied to that it has completely broken your trust? What about someone who has claimed to be your best friend that is always talking about you behind your back? Or has your spouse ever came home and just been in a complete bad mood and no matter what you do you just cannot snap them out of it?
Well I can tell you that I, myself, have been hurt, burned, broken, and badly bruised by the roller coaster of life more than once!!! But there was no use in letting it bringing me down! I just got back up brushed off the dust and said "Alright that hurt, but life must go on!" People are cruel, mean, ruthless, selfish, and downright hateful! They do things that make themselves look like the victims but are clearly not! Yet there are people out there who sincerely believe every word that comes out of their mouth! How scary is that??? In the last 10 years I have dealt with some people who have hated me from the moment I stepped into their picture! But you know what I gave them my all, time and time again just to get hurt time and time again! And you would like to have thought I would have learned my lesson the first time. I think there is that saying "Fool me once, Shame on you..Fool me twice, Shame on me"! But I have a kind, generous heart who likes to give people the benefit of the doubt that when they actually say they want a relationship with you and that they don't like having the distance between us that they would actually mean it! And especially to be able to spend time with my children would be the first thing that would make me want to change!
Amazon.com: Choosing Forgiveness: Your Journey to Freedom (9780802432513): Nancy Leigh DeMoss: Books
I read this book "Choosing Forgiveness by Nancy Leigh DeMoss" and let me tell you I wanted to throw that book right out of the window when I was finished with it! She was trying to tell ME that I needed to go to this person who hurt me so badly and tell THEM I forgive them! How in the world could I tell someone that I forgive them when I didn't! I at one point in my life had so much bitterness and hatred for a person that I couldn't even stand to look at this person! If I heard, saw, or even remotely thought about this person my blood would just boil!!! That is not normal! And for me it really was not normal! But I had taken so much that I just could not take it anymore! I just could not fathom that people could treat not just me but lots and lots of others the same way they treated me! After lots of prayer and I mean LOTS OF PRAYER I was able to finally let go of all that anger that had been couped up in me and was not allowing me to be ME! I finally had a talk with one person after a long while and this person had asked for FORGIVENESS and I could not give it to them! Why? Why couldn't I just say I FORGIVE YOU? Didn't and Doesn't Christ forgive me EVERY SINGLE DAY OF MY LIFE for all my wrong doings and shortcomings?
The answer is because I wanted to make sure that when I forgave this person that I truely meant it! That I would not ever talk about how badly this person hurt me and my family....time and time again! I believe that when you forgive someone you should not think about one thing this person had done to you and still have a one bit of bitterness towards this person ever again! And I couldn't make that promise! I couldn't trust this person! Over the last 10 years I have had to deal with the ups and downs of talking one minute and then not talking the next. And this time I have 2 children involved! I have to show my children that IT IS NOT OKAY to allow someone to treat you this way! I do not want my children to think it is okay to get walked on! I am taking a stand on what I believe and feel is the right way to be treated! And it starts with respecting my marriage, my family, and first and foremost OUR BELIEFS!
If you are asking "Did you get anything out of that book"? The answer is "YES"! I learned that in my heart I did forgive that person but to tell them that....I was not ready to do! Why? Because I was afraid if this person knew that I had forgiven them that it would just open the door up for them to hurt me again.....and guess what it has? So do I just go through life allowing this person to be apart of it or hit that delete button that is on the front of the book?? I guess I will just have to Learn as I Go.........
Well I can tell you that I, myself, have been hurt, burned, broken, and badly bruised by the roller coaster of life more than once!!! But there was no use in letting it bringing me down! I just got back up brushed off the dust and said "Alright that hurt, but life must go on!" People are cruel, mean, ruthless, selfish, and downright hateful! They do things that make themselves look like the victims but are clearly not! Yet there are people out there who sincerely believe every word that comes out of their mouth! How scary is that??? In the last 10 years I have dealt with some people who have hated me from the moment I stepped into their picture! But you know what I gave them my all, time and time again just to get hurt time and time again! And you would like to have thought I would have learned my lesson the first time. I think there is that saying "Fool me once, Shame on you..Fool me twice, Shame on me"! But I have a kind, generous heart who likes to give people the benefit of the doubt that when they actually say they want a relationship with you and that they don't like having the distance between us that they would actually mean it! And especially to be able to spend time with my children would be the first thing that would make me want to change!
Amazon.com: Choosing Forgiveness: Your Journey to Freedom (9780802432513): Nancy Leigh DeMoss: Books
I read this book "Choosing Forgiveness by Nancy Leigh DeMoss" and let me tell you I wanted to throw that book right out of the window when I was finished with it! She was trying to tell ME that I needed to go to this person who hurt me so badly and tell THEM I forgive them! How in the world could I tell someone that I forgive them when I didn't! I at one point in my life had so much bitterness and hatred for a person that I couldn't even stand to look at this person! If I heard, saw, or even remotely thought about this person my blood would just boil!!! That is not normal! And for me it really was not normal! But I had taken so much that I just could not take it anymore! I just could not fathom that people could treat not just me but lots and lots of others the same way they treated me! After lots of prayer and I mean LOTS OF PRAYER I was able to finally let go of all that anger that had been couped up in me and was not allowing me to be ME! I finally had a talk with one person after a long while and this person had asked for FORGIVENESS and I could not give it to them! Why? Why couldn't I just say I FORGIVE YOU? Didn't and Doesn't Christ forgive me EVERY SINGLE DAY OF MY LIFE for all my wrong doings and shortcomings?
The answer is because I wanted to make sure that when I forgave this person that I truely meant it! That I would not ever talk about how badly this person hurt me and my family....time and time again! I believe that when you forgive someone you should not think about one thing this person had done to you and still have a one bit of bitterness towards this person ever again! And I couldn't make that promise! I couldn't trust this person! Over the last 10 years I have had to deal with the ups and downs of talking one minute and then not talking the next. And this time I have 2 children involved! I have to show my children that IT IS NOT OKAY to allow someone to treat you this way! I do not want my children to think it is okay to get walked on! I am taking a stand on what I believe and feel is the right way to be treated! And it starts with respecting my marriage, my family, and first and foremost OUR BELIEFS!
If you are asking "Did you get anything out of that book"? The answer is "YES"! I learned that in my heart I did forgive that person but to tell them that....I was not ready to do! Why? Because I was afraid if this person knew that I had forgiven them that it would just open the door up for them to hurt me again.....and guess what it has? So do I just go through life allowing this person to be apart of it or hit that delete button that is on the front of the book?? I guess I will just have to Learn as I Go.........
2.21.2010
A New Year a New Beginning.....
Although today is Febuary 21st...for me it's a still the "New Year"! For the first time ever my brother and Ashley will hearing the best sound in the entire world tomorrow at her first doctors appointment! I pray and hope that the baby is healthy and growing as it should. For the first time this year I am not doing inventory. For the first time ever Chris and Jess are registering for their precious baby boy who will make his entrance into this grandocity world in June.
For the first time this year I am trying to decide what I am going to do with my life. I have been pondering on what to do next in my "NEVER" getting younger life. Have you ever wondered why you can just skip the whole school thing and just go do what you wanna do??? At this moment I know what I would like to do but will it work.....Will it be successful.....How will we do childcare......How will we pick the kids up......Will I be able to do it all????
In life there are so many things that we would like to do but it's not possible. We may be unhappy at our jobs but yet we need money. Maybe if you are in my situation I can't afford to take a part time job because by the time I pay a babysitter I am not even making anything. And there definitely aren't any full time jobs available. Or you are just ready for a change! Well let me tell you after owning your own business for 5 years, being able to set your own hours, be completely in charge of what you want to do, and then having to let that all go! It STINKS! So now I am left pondering if what I am wanting to do gonna work?
So with out giving you to many details of what I would like to do, I need lots of prayers for guidance and direction! I think my decision would be so much easier if my mom would just be able to stay home and take care of my kiddos while I go to school! :) But that isn't going to happen! And if I could just win enough fortune to make sure my family is taken care of while I do my thing, would be good too!
What this all boils down to is that I can't be afraid to step out and do what I need or want to do! I just keep hoping and praying God is going to give me the direction that I need to make this decision! If we are afraid to reach for something that means something to us, then what kind of example would that be to our children! We have to show confidence in ourselves in order to set that example! It's very hard to do but so worth it in the end! So this Monday I am going to continue to make the necessary phones calls and do all that I can do! And the rest is up to Him! And if it's meant to be then it will be something I will have to Learn as I go.........
For the first time this year I am trying to decide what I am going to do with my life. I have been pondering on what to do next in my "NEVER" getting younger life. Have you ever wondered why you can just skip the whole school thing and just go do what you wanna do??? At this moment I know what I would like to do but will it work.....Will it be successful.....How will we do childcare......How will we pick the kids up......Will I be able to do it all????
In life there are so many things that we would like to do but it's not possible. We may be unhappy at our jobs but yet we need money. Maybe if you are in my situation I can't afford to take a part time job because by the time I pay a babysitter I am not even making anything. And there definitely aren't any full time jobs available. Or you are just ready for a change! Well let me tell you after owning your own business for 5 years, being able to set your own hours, be completely in charge of what you want to do, and then having to let that all go! It STINKS! So now I am left pondering if what I am wanting to do gonna work?
So with out giving you to many details of what I would like to do, I need lots of prayers for guidance and direction! I think my decision would be so much easier if my mom would just be able to stay home and take care of my kiddos while I go to school! :) But that isn't going to happen! And if I could just win enough fortune to make sure my family is taken care of while I do my thing, would be good too!
What this all boils down to is that I can't be afraid to step out and do what I need or want to do! I just keep hoping and praying God is going to give me the direction that I need to make this decision! If we are afraid to reach for something that means something to us, then what kind of example would that be to our children! We have to show confidence in ourselves in order to set that example! It's very hard to do but so worth it in the end! So this Monday I am going to continue to make the necessary phones calls and do all that I can do! And the rest is up to Him! And if it's meant to be then it will be something I will have to Learn as I go.........
2.14.2010
The Love Day
As some of you know today is not only Valentine's Day but it's my Birth Day! What a blessing it is to have such a special day epecially with the most wonderful family ever! I am so blessed beyond measure that I keep telling myself life doesn't get any better than this! I always used to say how much I hated my birthday being on Valentine's Day because I have to share my day with everyone else! That is NO FUN!! Today my mom wrote on my wall how she was so blessed 20 years ago with ME! Well let me tell you what I told her! I was blessed to just have her as my mom!!
My birthday weekened started off with Friday night!! I was able to to spend the evening with my dear friend Ashley (Aidan and Adie's old sitter)and we met up with my little Cousin Amanda Jo and a couple of her friends. We went to the movies and watched Valentine's Day and had the best of time just catching up! The next morning my husband was the best ever and let me sleep in and when I FINALLY woke up, I woke up to a spotless house! He also had one BIG helper name Aidan!!! After we finally got motivated we went and spent the day in St. Louis. For the first time ever as a family we went to the Science Center! Very interesting! I had never been there and I don't know that I would go back, but Aidan had the best of time! We took him into the Dinosaur Exhibit! And the entire time he kept saying "Mommmm, this is soo cool! I am serious, this is sooo cool!" As we watched him and Adie pushing the buttons making the heads, legs and tail bobble around, I couldn't help but SMILE :) It was the best feeling ever watching my two beautiful children having the time of their life! Even though Alex and I were like we paid how much for this?? But to see them so happy it was Priceless! With money being so tight it had been a long time since we had done anything as a family! And let me tell you we had a GREAT DAY!!
Now this morning we woke up and it was my birthday! And the first thing Aidan said to me when he walked out of the bedroom was "Mom is today your birthday?" Me~ "Yes"
Aidan "Oh"!
And that was the end of it! He is so sweet! But we headed to church and after Sunday School I picked up Aidan and he said "Mommy, do you have a birthday cake?" Me~ "No honey!"
Aidan~ "well why not?"
Me~ Well because I didn't make one~"
Aidan~ "It's your birthday you have to have a cake"
And that was the end of it! You just wonder so often what in the world goes through their little brains!
The rest of our day consisted of our wonderful Daddy skipping sunday school to rush home and cook us the most delicious breakfast! What a surprise! And let me tell you it was delicous!! Then the kids had their Valentine presents awaiting on the counter when we walked in! Adelyn's face was priceless when she saw the Dora Blanket! If anyone reads my facebook status' this is one of the items she decided to throw the loudest temper tantrum over! After she opened that present up she had the funniest most happiest laugh EVER! Alex and I just smiled! Aidan of course said he just knew he was getting his Rifle Shooting Nerf Dart Gun!!!
After lunch I decided what I wanted for my birthday! I wanted Adelyn and I to go and get our first girl's day pedicure together! So off Jess, Adie and I went!!! She is such a girl! I told her Adie we are going to get our nails painted! And she said "Ok Mommy!" When we walked in she was ready to go! Off her shoes went! She sat so still for the lady! I believe we are going to have some serious girl's days the older she gets!!! I got the biggest kick out of her! The Chinese ladies were having a conversation in Chinese and of course you couldn't understand a word and the next thing I hear is Adie going godoinnoiongyonglongdlboing! Trying to talk just like them! It was so funny! We got home and she was so proud to show daddy her nails!
This has been the best weekend ever and I am so thankful and blessed to have the Family and Friends I have! They have overwhelmed me with such the kindest words!!!
Now for a relaxing evening with the rest of my family AND...........
THE BIRTHDAY CAKE MY MOM MADE FOR ME..............I LOVE YOU MOM!!!
My birthday weekened started off with Friday night!! I was able to to spend the evening with my dear friend Ashley (Aidan and Adie's old sitter)and we met up with my little Cousin Amanda Jo and a couple of her friends. We went to the movies and watched Valentine's Day and had the best of time just catching up! The next morning my husband was the best ever and let me sleep in and when I FINALLY woke up, I woke up to a spotless house! He also had one BIG helper name Aidan!!! After we finally got motivated we went and spent the day in St. Louis. For the first time ever as a family we went to the Science Center! Very interesting! I had never been there and I don't know that I would go back, but Aidan had the best of time! We took him into the Dinosaur Exhibit! And the entire time he kept saying "Mommmm, this is soo cool! I am serious, this is sooo cool!" As we watched him and Adie pushing the buttons making the heads, legs and tail bobble around, I couldn't help but SMILE :) It was the best feeling ever watching my two beautiful children having the time of their life! Even though Alex and I were like we paid how much for this?? But to see them so happy it was Priceless! With money being so tight it had been a long time since we had done anything as a family! And let me tell you we had a GREAT DAY!!
Now this morning we woke up and it was my birthday! And the first thing Aidan said to me when he walked out of the bedroom was "Mom is today your birthday?" Me~ "Yes"
Aidan "Oh"!
And that was the end of it! He is so sweet! But we headed to church and after Sunday School I picked up Aidan and he said "Mommy, do you have a birthday cake?" Me~ "No honey!"
Aidan~ "well why not?"
Me~ Well because I didn't make one~"
Aidan~ "It's your birthday you have to have a cake"
And that was the end of it! You just wonder so often what in the world goes through their little brains!
The rest of our day consisted of our wonderful Daddy skipping sunday school to rush home and cook us the most delicious breakfast! What a surprise! And let me tell you it was delicous!! Then the kids had their Valentine presents awaiting on the counter when we walked in! Adelyn's face was priceless when she saw the Dora Blanket! If anyone reads my facebook status' this is one of the items she decided to throw the loudest temper tantrum over! After she opened that present up she had the funniest most happiest laugh EVER! Alex and I just smiled! Aidan of course said he just knew he was getting his Rifle Shooting Nerf Dart Gun!!!
After lunch I decided what I wanted for my birthday! I wanted Adelyn and I to go and get our first girl's day pedicure together! So off Jess, Adie and I went!!! She is such a girl! I told her Adie we are going to get our nails painted! And she said "Ok Mommy!" When we walked in she was ready to go! Off her shoes went! She sat so still for the lady! I believe we are going to have some serious girl's days the older she gets!!! I got the biggest kick out of her! The Chinese ladies were having a conversation in Chinese and of course you couldn't understand a word and the next thing I hear is Adie going godoinnoiongyonglongdlboing! Trying to talk just like them! It was so funny! We got home and she was so proud to show daddy her nails!
This has been the best weekend ever and I am so thankful and blessed to have the Family and Friends I have! They have overwhelmed me with such the kindest words!!!
Now for a relaxing evening with the rest of my family AND...........
THE BIRTHDAY CAKE MY MOM MADE FOR ME..............I LOVE YOU MOM!!!
1.26.2010
Oh baby.........
This year is going to be one busy year with lots of showers and babies!!! For the last year I have been waiting patiently for the news of becoming an Aunt again! This last month has been one of the most anticipated nerve wrecking anxious months I have had in a long time, but this time it's not me awaiting the news! I have been trying to keep tabs all week and kept texting my Sister in Law Ashley wanting to know what day could be the day she would find out if I would be an aunt or not! Saturday night I got a call from Ashley and she said "well I am not quite sure!" So I told her I wanted to know first thing Sunday if any news or not! Well on Sunday I went shopping and then helped Chris and Jess pack some stuff up and when I got home I had 4 missed calls (3 from Ash and 1 from my mom) and 4 texts! One of the text was from Ashley saying call me ASAP and one was from my mom from her Facebook update status saying "I am going to be a Grandma again Yippee!" I was bummed because I didn't get hear the words out of her mouth but it was okay! I had so many emotions going through my brain I picked up my phone and started dialing! My brother is going to be a dad! Whoa! He has always been awesome with my kids but still to have this moment actually be happening was even more exciting! Her first Dr appt is February 22nd and the estimated due date is October 4th! I AM SO EXCITED!!!!!!
So not only do I have a niece or nephew on the way, Alex's cousin (more like a brother) is expecting his first little Boy in June as well! And I am nervously awaiting the news of my cousin Angela if her Invitro process worked! We were suppose to know today but there was clerical error so she has to have blood redrawn!
I have been saying since January 1st that is going to be the best year and by golly it is!!!! This is going to be a year of Learning as you go.......for everyone!
So not only do I have a niece or nephew on the way, Alex's cousin (more like a brother) is expecting his first little Boy in June as well! And I am nervously awaiting the news of my cousin Angela if her Invitro process worked! We were suppose to know today but there was clerical error so she has to have blood redrawn!
I have been saying since January 1st that is going to be the best year and by golly it is!!!! This is going to be a year of Learning as you go.......for everyone!
